Saturday, 5 May 2012


I was sucked into watching Justin Bieber's new video clip.  It was purely out of interest, OK?  And, I am going to sound like an old sour-faced grumpy lady (which I am not, I am 16), but I am honestly disgusted.
The first extremely extreme close-ups show the male pop singer whispering into the ears of girls who seem to be smiling at what he's saying (or grimacing?) ((don't even want to think about the clog up of Justin-spit)).  You know what, I would be grimacing too, if these lyrics were being sung/spoken on an annoyingly monotone level whilst a record stuck on the sound of seagull played in the back ground like that mosquito that keeps flying close to your ear:

If I was your boyfriend I'd never let you go.  (right)
I can take you places you ain't never been before.  (right, can you please move a b--)
Baby take a chance or you'll never ever know.  (no, but real--)
I got money in my hands that I'd really like to blow.
Excuse me?  Can we stop here?  Can you please get your priorities sorted?
Look, I've got some money stored in the bank because I've gone platinum-gold-unicorn in 89 countries ;) , and it's kind of annoying me, can you please be my girlfriend just for a while so I can get rid of some?  Yeah.  Thanks. xoxo Justin
Swag, swag, swag on you.  What is swag.  Why is it on me.  Get it off.
Chillin by the fire while we eatin' fondue.  GUYZ WHAT RHYMES WITH YOU? FONDUE ;) #BELIEVE xoxo Justin
I dunno about me but I know about you.  And I know you want to sit on this car with me while I press my forehead on yours and go crosseyed woops can't look at your eyes let's look at your boobs. xoxo Justin
So say hello to falsetto in three too swag.  I can count to potato too, Justin.  (PS shout out to falsetto ma home boii)

When Justin is driving around in his car, sussing out the sitch, his man-jewellery is evidently creating some glare so he stays cool and street-smart with a pair of dark glasses that he takes off with so much SWAG my SWAG-O-METER was just like OMG SWAG-MISTER IN DA HOUSE SWAG SWAG.  The girls just flock to him, I mean, if I saw someone like that in real life promising me some cheese fondue and triple helpings of swag I would just go running!

Basically, what we can learn from this is:
- Guys with expensive cares and cash to spare = allow to nuzzle you like horse
- Oh but like make sure you expose as much skin as possible or no one will like you lol
- Even if like you don't know, he will know, so just let him make your decisions
- Doesn't matter if they can't do maths they've got swag and man-bling

I feel now it's appropriate to include Tavi Gevinson doing her bitchface #2 - the repulsed.
Source of photo is

1 comment:

  1. I love these kind of "conversational" or "commentary" humorous take on some lyrics. (there's a whole blog in French called Bon pour ton poil who did that once!)
    I kept imagining him singing: "Fondue, you're fondue, YOU FONDUE!"



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